Monday, September 7, 2009

Reflections

I was a quiet child even though I thought I feel very deeply. I remember being a lonely child as my father was often at work and Mum was usually too busy with mahjong games.
My elder brother and sister were too busy with their own affairs to have time for me. I often played with the children in my neighbourhood, but when night fell and everybody got home, I was often left alone waiting for Mum to return home from her mahjong games. How I used to hate her mahjong games which seemed like some kind of evil that took her heart and soul from me.
I know my Mum loves me, for she often sang to me and told me her sad childhood when she was not busy with her mahjong games. The bonding between us was therefore never strong. I grew up not needing her much though I know that I should provide for her.
When I visited her and dad after my marriage, I often had to sit with my bed-ridden dad while doing my own reading. Mum would be away for her mahjong games.
Was I a good daughter to my parents? Yes, I provided for them and loved both of them especially dad who had always doted on me. After Dad’s demise, I knew that I had to take care of Mum as she grew old and soon showed signs of dementia. I took her home as younger sister was in America and there was nobody else. Yet, I was often busy, with my work, my interest and my books. I just did not seem to have the time and the love for the people who should matter most to me. I realized now that perhaps I have lived a very selfish life.
I have not communicated enough with the people close to me, my dad, my mum, my elder sister and now my own children. I feel that I was indeed handicapped and unable to form deep relationships with people. I was hungry to communicate with people on a deeper level. So far, I was able to communicate on that level with only some of my friends like Beng Keow, Lai Heng and Swee Kum. Perhaps, God is trying to tell me that human relationships are imperfect just as we, mortals are imperfect and our longing can only be satisfied by His filling the vacuum in our hearts.
Well, it is pointless to regret the past for what is important is the present. With God’s guidance, I can work on my relationship with my two daughters, Lynn and Sarah as well as people who come into my life. Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in all my shortcomings. Fill me with Your love that I may love You and all the people You have sent into my life.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Answering your call- a guide for living your deepest purpose

What is it in the end that induces a man to go his own way and to rise out of unconscious identity with the mass as out of a swathing mist?
It is what is commonly called vocation: An irrational factor that destines a man to emancipate himself from the herd and from its well-worn paths. Anyone with a vocation hears the voice of the inner man: He is called- Carl Jung

Only by discovering and then somehow creatively deploying, our unique combination of gifts, can we ever feel the deep satisfaction of a life well-lived.
Human creativity and lasting value is possible only when individual is determined to address some problems, advance some knowledge or serve a cause or humanity in some fashion. When they do this, they are answering a call to do something that matters. They have purpose and are out to make a difference. They choose significance over success.
What is a call? Calls are invitations from life to serve, to achieve your will towards a cause worthy of you and the human family. They are purposes with a voice, visions turned into inner commands. Calls draw the specifics of a purpose and a vision. A call is the impulse to move ahead in a meaningful way, a mind-body push into the future. Answering a call takes persistence, discipline and stamina. After the initial yes, we answer the call by creating sets and subsets of long term and short term strategies, goals and tactics. Persistence needs its polar opposite: openness and willingness to stop the current plan and go in a new direction. We need to be quiet enough, long enough, often enough to heed calls which comes to us from kairotic (a time for the spirit) time. Confronting the fear of accepting a call is the best way to move into the joys that a call brings.
Having courage and belief in the numberless tasks and routines of living a life is answering a call. We assume ordinary roles. We can make them more than ordinary when we will them to a higher level.

A calling depends not on how big the actions are that we take, it is about how much love we put into those actions. For God, it is all infinite. You do what is small and you do it with love and God will make it infinite.

Hear your inner voice and believe when the evidence is sparse. The called life is not an easier life than other kinds, only a better one. It is better because attempting to what we are meant for brings the internal joy that can come with commitments that are larger than the confines of our space- bound, time- bound existence. A commitment to a call is not a guarantee of success in the usual way the term is used as in a career, but it is a guarantee of the success of the self as it decides not to waste life energies on the multiple diversions that we all encounter. Answering a call will bring mentors into your life. It will also bring tormentors. Use the saboteur to grow more deeply committed to your calling Extract value from your saboteur encounters. Learn the signs and patterns of saboteurs. They often look respectable and have authority. They speak of positive motive to couch damages. They twist reality. They are masters of power and control. They caused pains and enjoy watching others regress. They often do good in some areas of their lives. The worst saboteur in your life is you.

Pass on the Evocateur’s gift

To live content with small means
To seek elegance rather than luxury
And refinement rather than fashion
To be worthy, not respectable and wealthy not rich
To study hard, think quietly, talk gently and frankly
To listen to the stars and birds to babes and sages with open heart
To bear all cheerfully, do all bravely
Await occasions, hurry never
In a word, to let the spiritual, unconscious and unbidden grow up through the common

Evocateurs soak up reality and tell the truth
They see what others see but they think something different
They appeal to the innate human longing to be more than we are
Both find and create teachable moments, adapt their method, work at the level of the identity.
Evocateurs acknowledge

Provoke the stifling
Calling of the provocateurs
Eliminate injustice to selves, others and future generations
Exaggerate to force attention
Hold up the mirror
Pace the aggravator
Prepare for attacks and fight bitterness with good humour
Get rest and make friends
Be prepared to accept defeat
Believe in your calling
Build portfolio of calls
Means to be conscious and do well in multiple life roles
Fight off saboteurs
Strengthen response to calling
Evoke possibilities of the moment
Provoke status quo to change
Teach the self and ego to collaborate

Work the veil
Accepting limitations and weaknesses is part of getting better my calling
Look underneath the behavior to the spirit and intention
Don’t be literal. Accept nothing at face value
Always assume something deeper is going on
Stay focused for the long term to bring a life of calling well-heeded and well-lived.

Relationships- living without regrets

I was a quiet child even though I thought I feel very deeply. I remember being a lonely child as my father was often at work and Mum was usually too busy with mahjong games.
My elder brother and sister were too busy with their own affairs to have time for me. I often played with the children in my neighbourhood, but when night fell and everybody got home, I was often left alone waiting for Mum to return home from her mahjong games. How I used to hate her mahjong games which seemed like some kind of evil that took her heart and soul from me.
I know my Mum loves me, for she often sang to me and told me her sad childhood when she was not busy with her mahjong games. The bonding between us was therefore never strong. I grew up not needing her much though I know that I should provide for her.
When I visited her and dad after my marriage, I often had to sit with my bed-ridden dad while doing my own reading. Mum would be away for her mahjong games.
Was I a good daughter to my parents? Yes, I provided for them and loved both of them especially dad who had always doted on me. After Dad’s demise, I knew that I had to take care of Mum as she grew old and soon showed signs of dementia. I took her home as younger sister was in America and there was nobody else. Yet, I was often busy, with my work, my interest and my books. I just did not seem to have the time and the love for the people who should matter most to me. I realized now that perhaps I have lived a very selfish life.
I have not communicated enough with the people close to me, my dad, my mum, my elder sister and now my own children. I feel that I was indeed handicapped and unable to form deep relationships with people. I was hungry to communicate with people on a deeper level. So far, I was able to communicate on that level with only some of my friends like Beng Keow, Lai Heng and Swee Kum. Perhaps, God is trying to tell me that human relationships are imperfect just as we, mortals are imperfect and our longing can only be satisfied by His filling the vacuum in our hearts.
Well, it is pointless to regret the past for what is important is the present. With God’s guidance, I can work on my relationship with my two daughters, Lynn and Sarah as well as people who come into my life. Lord, I pray for your forgiveness in all my shortcomings. Fill me with Your love that I may love You and all the people You have sent into my life.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

My relationship with my children

I have longed to have my own children when I decided to get married. In fact, one of the reasons that I want to get married is to have my own children.
On reflection, it seems a rather strange reason to want to be married. As a school teacher, I have daily contacts with children.
I remember asking a colleague who was then leaving for the United States for some maternity dress patterns. I soon learnt that everything has its seasons, as the bible says in Ecclesiastes. Three years down the road, I was still childless.
I went to the genealogists to find out why I was unable to conceive. After various procedures, I was pregnant. However, the joy was short-lived as I soon found that the pregnancy was ectopic, which means, the egg has attached itself to the wall of the fallopian tube and as it grew, the fallopian tube tore and I almost lost my life in the attempt to have a child. The doctor who attended to me informed me how lucky I was to be alive as it was indeed dangerous as the tube was bleeding internally.
With God’s grace, I survived but was told by my gynecologist that my chances of having a child are down from one percent to just 0.5.
My doctor suggested that I might want to consider adopting a child but somehow God’s answer to this option was in the negative when the plan did not materialize.
The time finally came which was seven years down the road, after a prayer from a visiting pastor, I became pregnant. When I found myself pregnant, my attending doctor went on a course in the States. God seems to tell me that I have to rely solely on Him and not on men.
Lynn was born soon and brought much joy to the family. Alas, my faith proved to be too fragile. My lack of gratitude brought me lots of pain.
Just when I hesitated to give up all that I had, God graciously gave me another child. This child Sarah has indeed come from God to mend the relationship between her parents.
Sarah has indeed been given by God. She is the one who leads me back to the church to confess my sins and once again go back to Him in repentance.
Sarah and Lynn both gave us lots of joy and also lots of heartaches as they grow in independence and waywardness as well. Not being a strict disciplinarian and not being good Christian parents, we have not guided them well other than providing them with physical needs and an education.
Praise be to God, they have grown up pretty well and with God’s mercy and blessing, we learnt to pray for wisdom and directions. With love, I learn to respect them and in turn they show their respect too. Of course, there were moments when we lose our temper with each other but I soon learnt to apologise and ask for forgiveness. Lynn has also reciprocated with gentler behavior.
As for Sarah, she has worked very hard to achieve academic success. She has obtained good results in her studies and has gone over to UK on student exchange.
Praise the Lord for His love and guidance. With Him, we have no fear or worries as we know that all things work for the good of those who love Him.

My love for reading

My interest for reading began when I often spent my time at a neighbour’s place. The family had a lot of movie magazines and various Chinese comics that the family shared. Later on, I had access to the library of a friend’s brother who too had a large collection of Chinese essays, comics, fables and other reading materials.
My love for English books actually began when I had to do Literature in secondary school. I remember having to study Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice and some anthology of poems at Secondary one.
Over the next few years, we studied Shakespeare’s plays, the most memorable of which was Macbeth. After I left secondary school, I continued my reading, particularly when I had access to my uncles’ collection of English Literature books. At Teachers’ Training College, we had to study some literature texts and some lecturers really shared their love of the classics with us.
After I started on my career, I continued to pursue various courses to improve my level of English competency. The Diploma English Studies Course required us to study various classics that included Shakespeare, Dickens, Austen etc. The A level English course too further fired my enthusiasm and interest.
Open University English and Literature required even more in depth reading of such texts.
A visit to Western Europe aroused my thirst for Greek Mythology and to know more about the great influence the Greek Culture had on the western world.
The years of reading had given me a new found interest and quest for new knowledge and I truly appreciate this opportunity to live life richly as I enter the world through the legacy of writing left behind by those who share their experiences.

The third age – six principles of growth and renewal after 40 – by William Sadler

Principle One
Balance mindful -reflection with risk taking
Step back to review, listen and visualize how you want to live
Clarify values, reflect on meaning and purpose to critique the old scripts
Find challenges and clarify expectations
Be open to creative tension and develop competencies needed
Commit to intended results

#2 Develop realistic optimism
Have a sense of humour and take charge to make choice to achieve.

#3 Create a positive third age identity
a) Listen to inner energy and identify barriers to expression
b) Leave behind and modify roles and life patterns
c) Critically assess and discard age stereotypes to break myths of aging
d) Recognize and accept mortality and affirm growth and renewal
Affirm independence and connectedness to others and a larger reality
Redefine success and develop standards to measure it

#4 Re-define our work- balance work and play
Recover a sense of meaningful work and play
Determine priorities and clarify what you love to do by following basic instincts
Enlarge scope of work to include paid work, fun work, housework, volunteer work and learning
Risk doing something new and add new values to life

#5 Balance personal freedom and intimacy
Intimate interdependence
The bond of love can liberate people and promote individuality

#6Build a more caring life
Increase our capacity to care
Care for self, care for optimal physical health
Step into more purposeful living
Create balance among multiple commitments
Shed old assumptions, expand our limits
Think creatively and live differently
Invitation of a lifetime for new growth, enrichment and purposeful living
First age- growing up
Second age – Productivity setting in
Third Age- second growth
4th age- successful aging
To counter aging, we must do more than adapt, keep fit and stay healthy. We need to initiate growth at a new level.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Seven habits of effective people- Stephen Covey

Paradigms and Principles
Paradigms are model, theory and perception, assumption and frame of reference

The seven habits are principle-centred, character-based, an inside out approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

Maturity Continuum ranges from dependence to independence to interdependence.

Habit One
Proactive rather than reactive
Changes based on imagination, conscience, self-awareness and independent will. Between stimulus and response, there should be the freedom to choose.

Habit two
Begin with the end in mind
Mental creation based on imagination
Begin each day with values firmly in mind- truly proactive and value driven
Use affirmation and visualization to enter into harmony with our basic centre.

Habit three
Put first things first- principle of personal management and use priorities and time management matrix.


Habit four
Think win win
Principle of interpersonal leadership
Abundance mentality
Effective interaction brings mutually beneficial results to everybody involved

Habit five
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Principle of empathic communication
Build skills of empathic listening based on character that inspires openness and trust

Habit six
Synergy
Principle of creative cooperation
The whole is greater that the sum of its parts
Essence of synergy
Value differences, respect them and build on strengths and compensate for weakness

Habit seven
Sharpen the saw
Principle of balanced self renewal
Four dimensions – physical, mental, spiritual and social and emotional

Seneca on the shortness of life

It is not that we have a short time to live but that we waste a lot of it.
Learning how to live takes a whole life, just as we take a whole life to learn how to die too.Procrastination is the biggest waste of life.
In planning tomorrow, we lost today.
Present is short, future is doubtful and the past is certain. Life is short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present and fear the future. Prosperity does not elevate the sage and adversity does not depress him. In any situation in life, you will find delight, relaxation and pleasures if you are prepared to make light of your troubles and not let them distress you. Make a stand against Fortune and never give ground to her.
In everything, everybody, eyes and hands and all things that make life dear, live as though it were lent to itself, return the loan on demand, without complaint. Make light of all things and endure them with tolerance. It is more civilized to make fun of life than to bewail it. Mingle and vary solitude and joining a crowd.

The freedom years- tactical tips for the trailblazer generation- Michael Shea

Use our freedom years to best advantage
Benefiting both ourselves and those around us

What are our hopes and aspirations for the years ahead?
What are we particularly looking forward to?
What hindrances do we expect to waylay our plans?
What other worries lurk in the undergrowth?

Retirement is an open gate to the future. We have the opportunity of moving into new fields at a pace to suit ourselves and develop new skills and use old ones.

What do want to achieve that we have not achieved so far.
List our options and strategies for doing so. Set out an agenda for change,deciding where and how we are going to erect our new stall. Continue to contribute to the good of ourselves, our families and society, just as we did in the past.
Readjust circumstances to our requirements

Have a positive attitude
Care and not be in denial
Make it our business
Have ambition
Have an open mind
Have control over our lives
Recreate our sense of self-esteem

Continue to act as decision-takers rather than followers of orders
Don’t let those wrinkles invade mind and soul
Do not be too judgemental or mean.
Have a good sense of humour
Try laughing- have a smile, a happy expression
Build new relationships and continue to network by joining clubs and interest groups
Keep healthy with proper food and exercise
Be fit and mentally agile
Communicate effectively with the younger generations
Manage our money and financial advisors
Use freedom years to learn new tricks

Work on projects to give sense of meaning and purpose to life
Keep learning and exploring ways to make life better for self and others

Monday, June 8, 2009

Embracing the fullness of life- In the moment

Celebration of Life’s daily moments
Both the small and large events of life lend value and texture to our lives.
If we don’t put effort into celebrating these moments, they can be lost and the very texture of living goes with them.

We should integrate all elements of our life and connect within outside and ourselves, across the generation preceding us and into the future. The function of celebration is to do all this and in doing so, to help us create our own legacy and legacy of our time.

How can we use our resources to strengthen our connections with others rather than insulate ourselves from the challenge of closeness?
We can overcome inner obstacles and choose to bring that richness into our lives and the lives of those around us, then the celebrated life is without our grasp.

What are the elements of celebrations
Recognise the moment
Name the moment
Share the moment
Open ourselves and bring ourselves forth most fully into a thoughtful and sensory awareness of the moment
Acknowledge mystery and awe
Move backward to the origin and regrind and polish to remove or repair flaws and blind spots.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Trip to Hanoi, Halong Bay and Sapa

After working for eight weeks, it was great to go on holidays again. This time, hubby and myself booked budget air tickets to go to North Vietnam.
It was indeed a relaxing holiday after that eight weeks of hard work. We spent a total of eight full days not including the night we arrived and the morning we left for the air port.
We were completely satisfied with the hotel, which though small was clean and comfortable.Taking tours from the hotel was not advised by those seasoned travellers on the Internet. However, it turned out to be the right decision as we were satisfied with the tours to Halong Bay and Sapa.
There was ample chance to meet up with fellow travellers to exchange our experiences with one another. Particularly, it was interesting to befriend a French couple from Lyon,an English couple from England besides more acquaintances from other countries such as Australia, Germany and America.
The view at Halong Bay was exhilarating, especially the wonderful staclactites and staglamites at Surprise Cave and the calming effect of the Bay in the light drizzle.
We did a lot of walking at Sapa but the view of the highlands and terraces were inspiring.The overnight train from Hanoi to Lao Cai or old street was a memorable experience.The return journey seemed less smooth as the train felt as though its carriages were about to disintegrate completely!Memorable too was the happiness expressed by the Canadian sixty- two year old man who had come to Vietnam to meet his sweet heart whom he intended to marry soon. May the Lord bless their marriage.
The trip had been most educational too as we learnt more about the Vietnamese people who were ruled first by the Chinese then by the French.To gain her independence the country had gone through the long Vietnamese war.
Vietnam is still in the process of modernisation. Her people have to work very hard to survive and tourism is one avenue for the people to get out of the poverty cycle.
The water puppet at Hanoi was entertaining and the Vietnamese cuisine was comparable to the food that we eat at home.
The Vietnamese hotel staff pandering to the Westerners seemed disgusting at first till we put ourselves in their shoe and understand their reason for doing so. Once we adjusted our thinking, we were less judgemental and more loving towards these gentle Vietnamese who seek to delight their customers.
All in all, it has been a most wonderful holiday. The Hmong guide at Sapa is one of those whom I will not forget for her perseverance to learn English and enterprisingly looking forward to a better life for herself and her family. She is filled with hope for the future and I know that she will be successful with her perseverance and hard work.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Spiritual growth in the age of anxiety- Scott Peck

How can we live a rich and fulfilling life in a world fraught with stress and anxiety?
The greatest challenge is to learn how to deal with life's conflicts, problem and paradoxes to find true simplicity on the other side of complexity.
we need to be more aware both within ourselves and within society.
It is crucial that we learn to think with integrity, know the difference between good and evil and overcome narcissism to love and be loved as well as to live with paradox and accept consequences of our action and come to terms with dying and death.

We continue to learn and grow with the ultimate goal of perfecting our soul. It is only through the death of old ways that we make room for the birth of new ones.We see learning as an adventure and the stages of dying as important to the process of unlearning and new learning.

The redemption of Odysseus-Patrick Fitzhugh

The writer recalled how his father tried to read the story of Odysseus to him and his brothers.
Just as Odysseus, he was fighting against the unfair odds the world threw at him and doing his best to emerge with honour and family in tact. At that point of time however,the writer thought that Odysseus' weakness was his great ego and therefore he dismissed everything as hyperbole.His own trip to Italy brought him face to face with what the Mediterranean really is and not the picturesque calmness portrayed in travel books or as seen from above.
He realised what his father was trying to do in sharing the story of Odysseus.His father was trying to prepare him and his brother for the trials and hardships they would face one day. In his first-hand experience with the Mediterranean seen at close quarters, Odysseus had been redeemed and he understood what Odysseus and his own father had gone through in search for respite from their daily battle with life.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Simple steps-10 things to create an exceptional life

Choose the right attitude
Tap your inner momentum
Transform your life with kindness
Welcome stillness in your life
Settle with the past and move on
Banish prejudice from your life
Take risk to a brighter future
Connect with a higher power
Put discipline on your side
Heed the call to leadership

Quotes:
Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound- Goethe
He that does good to another does good also to himself- Seneca
Never stop thanking
Put other people first
Pass grace along
Be your own person-get in touch with yourself and with God
Do good for no good reason

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Your bridge to a better future

Progress in life is not measured by security but by growth. Growth means taking risks as we will never get anywhere interesting by always doing the safe thing.
"You can't stay in the harbour and discover new worlds at the same time."

Life is a journey, a process. Everyday, we must deliberately make the effort to take a few steps, learn, grow and become better than we are today. The secret of our future is hidden in our daily routine.

There are three choices that we can make with things that bother us.
We can deal with it, get over it or learn to live with it.
When making choices, we must never lose sight of the big picture.If we can't see the forest for the trees, we will almost certain to get lost.

Some notable quotes:
Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.- Marie Curie

The best medicine is to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about other people.- Frederic Loomis

I must lose myself in action lest I wither in despair.- Alfred Lord Tennyson

I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street I met a man who had no feet.- Harold Abbot

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours- Benjamin Disaeli

When good men die, their goodness does not perish but lives though they are gone- Euripides