Sunday, August 9, 2009

My relationship with my children

I have longed to have my own children when I decided to get married. In fact, one of the reasons that I want to get married is to have my own children.
On reflection, it seems a rather strange reason to want to be married. As a school teacher, I have daily contacts with children.
I remember asking a colleague who was then leaving for the United States for some maternity dress patterns. I soon learnt that everything has its seasons, as the bible says in Ecclesiastes. Three years down the road, I was still childless.
I went to the genealogists to find out why I was unable to conceive. After various procedures, I was pregnant. However, the joy was short-lived as I soon found that the pregnancy was ectopic, which means, the egg has attached itself to the wall of the fallopian tube and as it grew, the fallopian tube tore and I almost lost my life in the attempt to have a child. The doctor who attended to me informed me how lucky I was to be alive as it was indeed dangerous as the tube was bleeding internally.
With God’s grace, I survived but was told by my gynecologist that my chances of having a child are down from one percent to just 0.5.
My doctor suggested that I might want to consider adopting a child but somehow God’s answer to this option was in the negative when the plan did not materialize.
The time finally came which was seven years down the road, after a prayer from a visiting pastor, I became pregnant. When I found myself pregnant, my attending doctor went on a course in the States. God seems to tell me that I have to rely solely on Him and not on men.
Lynn was born soon and brought much joy to the family. Alas, my faith proved to be too fragile. My lack of gratitude brought me lots of pain.
Just when I hesitated to give up all that I had, God graciously gave me another child. This child Sarah has indeed come from God to mend the relationship between her parents.
Sarah has indeed been given by God. She is the one who leads me back to the church to confess my sins and once again go back to Him in repentance.
Sarah and Lynn both gave us lots of joy and also lots of heartaches as they grow in independence and waywardness as well. Not being a strict disciplinarian and not being good Christian parents, we have not guided them well other than providing them with physical needs and an education.
Praise be to God, they have grown up pretty well and with God’s mercy and blessing, we learnt to pray for wisdom and directions. With love, I learn to respect them and in turn they show their respect too. Of course, there were moments when we lose our temper with each other but I soon learnt to apologise and ask for forgiveness. Lynn has also reciprocated with gentler behavior.
As for Sarah, she has worked very hard to achieve academic success. She has obtained good results in her studies and has gone over to UK on student exchange.
Praise the Lord for His love and guidance. With Him, we have no fear or worries as we know that all things work for the good of those who love Him.

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