Monday, December 15, 2008

My journey to My Father

I remember my childhood, full of fears and nightmares.There was always this sense of foreboding and insecurity.
Dad was always busy at work and mum too to escape from a boring existence by going to mahjong.My childhood was one of dark and empty tenement house where I was too frightened to go to sleep before my parents' return.
I remembered burning joss-sticks at the site where the house spirit would take care of the tenement house in front of the long staircase which led up from the main entrance.
The picture of Jesus Christ on the cross hung on the wall in the tiny living room. It was given to my dad by one of his father's family friends.At the age of five or six,I remember dreaming a frightfully long dreamless dream in which I walked aimlessly with no end in sight. Even at that tender age, I seemed to realise that life can be meaningless and purposeless.One night however, I had a vision. I could see the bright light in front of me and I knew that I was in front of holiness when I felt myself moved by great compassions and strong feelings.
My first experience with Jesus were the hymns that I heard every Sunday coming from the Kindergarten next door which functioned as a church premise on Sundays. Our curiosity was aroused too when our neighbours went for Christmas worships at the nearby association.
Secondary school friends shared the gospels and colleagues warm-heartedly took me to their church.
I started attending church seriously but without strong commitment, I soon returned to a carefree life.I somehow believed that God is with me even though I do not commit myself to Him.
I got married and could not have a child even though husband and myself tried so hard to have one. Finally seven years later, God bless us with a daughter and showed me how much He has loved and cared for me.However, I soon prove untrue and again slipped from my faith.Life without God was one uphill task and I found myself slipping down quickly, horribly and irrevocably. God however, never gave up on me. He stretched out His hand again and again. Finally before I drifted out completely to the open sea,I made a decision to return to Him. Since then I have hung on with His grace and He has shown that He has much to teach me, guide me and lead me. I have learnt much and know that there is much more to learn. God has been faithful and merciful towards me and it is time for me to trust and obey Him.