The years of toil has finally come to an end. No more long meetings and hours at work.Finally, there is time to do what I like to do.
It has been an agonising decision to retire after forty odd years at the same job. After much debate with myself, I wrote in and got my golden handshake.
The sudden break from hard work to a leisurely life takes some getting use to.
I went back to work the first few days to cover somebody on study leave.
After that, I took up relief work whenever staff went on medical leave.This went on intermittenly for the first two months. In March,we took a holiday to Macau, Zhuhai and Guangzhou. It was a cheap and leisurely holiday in China. Term two found me doing standby relief after which I was persuaded to take over a teaching class in Term 3.Of course I will have to follow the class through to Term 4 as the children had examination at the end of the year.I taught English and was in school from 11 to 5pm everyday from Monday to Friday. However, I did get to do my Chinese qigong in the morning and swam two to three times a week before I went to school.
I signed myself up for Bible Study Fellowship and was committed to do my homework every morning and attended evening class from 7 to 9pm on Tuesdays.
I did folk-dancing on Saturday afternoon and visited the library after spending one to two hours dancing.
In August, we left for a free and easy trip to Hokkaido and it was a good trip for us. In November, we joined two couples to drive in the south island of New Zealand. The scenery was astounding and it was great to go for a holiday while others have to attend meetings and write year-end reports.
I managed to write my journal quite consistently and did quite a fair bit of self-reflections periodically over this whole year. I have also managed to do some visitations in the first six months and reviewed some Christian literature for my church. I had time to meet up with my childhood friends and we had quite a number of sessions together.
The year has been well-spent over various activities. I had time to interact socially with my friends, exercised quite regularly, spent time reading, writing and doing Sudoku and part time work. There is a balance of physical,mental and other activities. On looking back, I have spent quite a lot of time working as well.
What of 2009? I intend to listen to the Lord more intently and obey His commission for me. I will spend time cooking for the family and look into improving my culinary skills. Cooking for the family involves love and care for them.
Praise the Lord for His Wisdom in teaching me so patiently. May what I do be pleasing in His sight.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
My journey to My Father
I remember my childhood, full of fears and nightmares.There was always this sense of foreboding and insecurity.
Dad was always busy at work and mum too to escape from a boring existence by going to mahjong.My childhood was one of dark and empty tenement house where I was too frightened to go to sleep before my parents' return.
I remembered burning joss-sticks at the site where the house spirit would take care of the tenement house in front of the long staircase which led up from the main entrance.
The picture of Jesus Christ on the cross hung on the wall in the tiny living room. It was given to my dad by one of his father's family friends.At the age of five or six,I remember dreaming a frightfully long dreamless dream in which I walked aimlessly with no end in sight. Even at that tender age, I seemed to realise that life can be meaningless and purposeless.One night however, I had a vision. I could see the bright light in front of me and I knew that I was in front of holiness when I felt myself moved by great compassions and strong feelings.
My first experience with Jesus were the hymns that I heard every Sunday coming from the Kindergarten next door which functioned as a church premise on Sundays. Our curiosity was aroused too when our neighbours went for Christmas worships at the nearby association.
Secondary school friends shared the gospels and colleagues warm-heartedly took me to their church.
I started attending church seriously but without strong commitment, I soon returned to a carefree life.I somehow believed that God is with me even though I do not commit myself to Him.
I got married and could not have a child even though husband and myself tried so hard to have one. Finally seven years later, God bless us with a daughter and showed me how much He has loved and cared for me.However, I soon prove untrue and again slipped from my faith.Life without God was one uphill task and I found myself slipping down quickly, horribly and irrevocably. God however, never gave up on me. He stretched out His hand again and again. Finally before I drifted out completely to the open sea,I made a decision to return to Him. Since then I have hung on with His grace and He has shown that He has much to teach me, guide me and lead me. I have learnt much and know that there is much more to learn. God has been faithful and merciful towards me and it is time for me to trust and obey Him.
Dad was always busy at work and mum too to escape from a boring existence by going to mahjong.My childhood was one of dark and empty tenement house where I was too frightened to go to sleep before my parents' return.
I remembered burning joss-sticks at the site where the house spirit would take care of the tenement house in front of the long staircase which led up from the main entrance.
The picture of Jesus Christ on the cross hung on the wall in the tiny living room. It was given to my dad by one of his father's family friends.At the age of five or six,I remember dreaming a frightfully long dreamless dream in which I walked aimlessly with no end in sight. Even at that tender age, I seemed to realise that life can be meaningless and purposeless.One night however, I had a vision. I could see the bright light in front of me and I knew that I was in front of holiness when I felt myself moved by great compassions and strong feelings.
My first experience with Jesus were the hymns that I heard every Sunday coming from the Kindergarten next door which functioned as a church premise on Sundays. Our curiosity was aroused too when our neighbours went for Christmas worships at the nearby association.
Secondary school friends shared the gospels and colleagues warm-heartedly took me to their church.
I started attending church seriously but without strong commitment, I soon returned to a carefree life.I somehow believed that God is with me even though I do not commit myself to Him.
I got married and could not have a child even though husband and myself tried so hard to have one. Finally seven years later, God bless us with a daughter and showed me how much He has loved and cared for me.However, I soon prove untrue and again slipped from my faith.Life without God was one uphill task and I found myself slipping down quickly, horribly and irrevocably. God however, never gave up on me. He stretched out His hand again and again. Finally before I drifted out completely to the open sea,I made a decision to return to Him. Since then I have hung on with His grace and He has shown that He has much to teach me, guide me and lead me. I have learnt much and know that there is much more to learn. God has been faithful and merciful towards me and it is time for me to trust and obey Him.
Leaving a legacy
It has been my wish to gather my thoughts to write down my life experiences, learning etc as we mortals cannot live forever.
At sixty, it is time to do some harvesting and consolidate my experience and learning to leave behind for someone who may gain from my writing.
I have lived a rich life for God has been most merciful to me and taught me much in my sixty years on this earth.
I learn to love when I have my parents who love me so unconditionally and completely in my early childhood. Though they have not spoken in so many words, I know that for my sake my swinging bachelor dad chose my mum and settled down to a quiet life and my mum reconsidered leaving my dad when she couldn't bear to leave me with unkind relatives.
God has also mercifully given me the love for reading and music. Both hobbies have enriched my otherwise mundane life.Beautiful music moves me, encourages me and makes me love the beautiful world that God has created. Books have taught me in every aspect of my life from young to old. The classics have given me vicarious experiences which I might otherwise not have in my limited life experiences.
It is however time now to consolidate all those learning experiences and hopefully pass them on to others so that they too will benefit from reading them.
At sixty, it is time to do some harvesting and consolidate my experience and learning to leave behind for someone who may gain from my writing.
I have lived a rich life for God has been most merciful to me and taught me much in my sixty years on this earth.
I learn to love when I have my parents who love me so unconditionally and completely in my early childhood. Though they have not spoken in so many words, I know that for my sake my swinging bachelor dad chose my mum and settled down to a quiet life and my mum reconsidered leaving my dad when she couldn't bear to leave me with unkind relatives.
God has also mercifully given me the love for reading and music. Both hobbies have enriched my otherwise mundane life.Beautiful music moves me, encourages me and makes me love the beautiful world that God has created. Books have taught me in every aspect of my life from young to old. The classics have given me vicarious experiences which I might otherwise not have in my limited life experiences.
It is however time now to consolidate all those learning experiences and hopefully pass them on to others so that they too will benefit from reading them.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Happy New Year
I have this habit of reviewing my life at the end of each year and looking forward with hope,aspirations and new endeavours for the new year.
On 1st January of 2007, I wrote down the eight principles that I hope to live by.
1. I will have a positve attitude towards all events and happenings.
2. I will live life day by day with gratitude in my heart.
3. I will be an uplifting force whenever I can and I will encourage others around me.
4. I will welcome stillness and learn to be more relaxed.
5. I will risk being vulnerable by being open and approachable.
6. I will connect with God and learn to walk more closely with Him through reading of Christian literature.
7. I will live in the present at all times and be alive, consciously aware of the people around me.
8. I will pass Grace along, to share His blessings with those around me.
Though I may have made numerous mistakes, I must say that 2007 has been a great year.
There is much to thank for- blessings from Him and time for learning to live better.
2008 is going to be another great year. I will continue to live by those eight principles but most of all I resolve to walk closely with the Lord,trust and obey Him and live without regrets.
On 1st January of 2007, I wrote down the eight principles that I hope to live by.
1. I will have a positve attitude towards all events and happenings.
2. I will live life day by day with gratitude in my heart.
3. I will be an uplifting force whenever I can and I will encourage others around me.
4. I will welcome stillness and learn to be more relaxed.
5. I will risk being vulnerable by being open and approachable.
6. I will connect with God and learn to walk more closely with Him through reading of Christian literature.
7. I will live in the present at all times and be alive, consciously aware of the people around me.
8. I will pass Grace along, to share His blessings with those around me.
Though I may have made numerous mistakes, I must say that 2007 has been a great year.
There is much to thank for- blessings from Him and time for learning to live better.
2008 is going to be another great year. I will continue to live by those eight principles but most of all I resolve to walk closely with the Lord,trust and obey Him and live without regrets.
Monday, December 17, 2007
6 big career mistakes and how to avoid them
This article written by Donna Brown Hogarty came from the Readers' Digest in 1999.
In it, she listed the following most common mistakes made at the workplace.
1. Having no plan- She suggested that before we go into any workplace encounter that could turn angry, we should prepare an agenda and stick to it.
2. Lacking expectations- She suggested that we should understand our employer's charter by asking relevant questions
3. Being a loner- it is important to work on relationships with colleagues in and outside our department.
4. Waffling- instead of waffling on decisions, it is essential to focus on the relevant elements.
5. Focusing too narrowly- it is essential to cultivate the ability to develop and adapt by learning a variety of widely applicable skills.
6. Covering up- instead of doing that, it is important to admit the blunder and fix it as soon as possible.
In it, she listed the following most common mistakes made at the workplace.
1. Having no plan- She suggested that before we go into any workplace encounter that could turn angry, we should prepare an agenda and stick to it.
2. Lacking expectations- She suggested that we should understand our employer's charter by asking relevant questions
3. Being a loner- it is important to work on relationships with colleagues in and outside our department.
4. Waffling- instead of waffling on decisions, it is essential to focus on the relevant elements.
5. Focusing too narrowly- it is essential to cultivate the ability to develop and adapt by learning a variety of widely applicable skills.
6. Covering up- instead of doing that, it is important to admit the blunder and fix it as soon as possible.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Looking Back
December 26 was the date reflected on the cover of my first diary and the reminder that I placed there was 'Procrastination is the thief of time'.
My very first entry was new year day and the last entry was 10th May four years on, which happened to be Vesak Day.
I recorded the wonderful time that I had with my friends, the ups and downs, the happy and the sad.
I was then twenty years of age, third year into my teaching career. The diary recorded my relationships with my friends and colleagues. Awakened was my longing for romance and love.
My twenty-first birthday was celebrated at a government bungalow in Labrador off Pasir Panjang, surrounded by my family, good friends and colleagues.I realised that I was deeply and hopelessly in love after all the infatuations. However, it was doomed from the start as the object of my affection had promised to marry somebody else.
The following year was a year of tremendous heartaches but I promised myself to be emotionally strong and let time help me to recover from that doomed relationship.
Three years on, my present husband who was also my colleague dated me to a show, Tora, Tora, Tora, a Japanese war film.What a romantic fellow!
My second diary began on 13th May and covered the next seven and a half years.
I was engaged at a party again at the same bungalow at Labrador Park. That eventful day saw my father storming out of my engagement, thinking that my fiance was just not good enough for me, his beloved daughter.
My best friend Susan gave birth to a pair of twin girls the year after and gradually all my good friends settled down to begin another phase of their lives.
I too settled down and it was a year of adjustment to a new phase of married life, mundane and uneventful for most of the time.
Restless me joined Friends of the Library, a group of people who love to read and exchange ideas.
Two years later, we moved from a cosy two-room flat to a spacious four-room one.
My ectopic pregnancy almost ended my life but I guess God has other plans for me. I have not learnt enough yet. The near death experience taught me to appreciate the simple things in life and the sight of sunrise at Mount Faber was indeed exhilarating that year.Christmas Eve had me baptised at Faith Methodist Church.
The next diary covered one year of my life and the book was coming apart as the pages were not well-bound.It was a year of calmness as I dedicated myself to be obedient to the Lord.
For forty days, I was sponsored by the Girl Guides Association to go to Japan on a Youth Fellowship programme. That was a recognition trip for the work that I had done to promote youth activities as a Brownie guider as well as the Chairman of Friends of the Library.I had not expected any rewards for the enjoyable and meaningful work that I did but God always has His ways.
The next diary covered the next six years of my life.
Finally,Doctor Tsakok confirmed that I was pregnant! Lynn was born in January, bringing so much joy to the family after the long wait.It was on the second December that Lynn was badly scalded before she even turned two. Hubby was indeed stricken by regrets and guilt over the accident.
Two years later and we found ourselves in Western Europe, enjoying Rome, Florence, Venice, Vienna, Innsbruck, Selzburg, Copenhagen, Cologne, Odense, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Kinderdyke, Paris, Versailles, England and Scotland.It sparked my interest in the Greek mythology and Roman history. I went on some English Proficiency courses and did both O and A levels English, scoring distinctions, B for Literature and A for GP.
Over one year of part time and six months of full time , I completed the course for the Diploma in English Studies.I enjoyed the Literature course and scored second upper in the examinations. That is also the year when I was transferred to serve in a prestigious school.
The next diary began in September in which I called out for the Lord to take away that despair that I felt.
My Dad's death was most painful.Entry for that year end was filled with bleakness and pain. However, confirmation of my second pregnancy with Sarah at the end of that year brought once again hope to me.
Sarah was the child born in April and she was that gift from God and my beloved Dad sent to give me hope once again.
Sister Soo who left for US returned to get married.
Our trip up to Cameron Highlands began a long friendship among the members of four families that last till today.
Sister came home to visit us with her new born child Jasmine just as Mum became senile and her condition worsened over the next three years till her demise. We took a trip to the States to visit Sister and her family as well as a good friend in Canada.
The last entry on 23 September reflected my realisation that I had turned forty eight and I gave thanks to the Lord for His goodness to me.
The next diary began on 20 November and ended 28 October ten years on.
Ms L, my principal passed away on 22nd December and as I attended the wake and the funeral,I found the colleagues who used to fawn on her and later left her nowhere in sight.
I assumed the Head of Department post, working under Ms K and the following year Mr L.
Four months of full- time leadership course inspired me to take up Open University to pursue my love for learning. I soon returned to church. A good friend who went up to Cameron Highlands with us passed away suddenly, while news of the demise of my good friend in Canada followed by my sister-in-law's saddened me.
I began to have strong feelings to retire.
2003 brought the SARS and 2004 Tsunami when so many innocent people died so suddenly. A bubbly colleague's succumb to liver cancer made me question what life is all about. Life is indeed fragile and unpredictable.
My hundred year old grandma too passed on, fortunately after she was reunited with the Lord. Hubby's sudden chest pain in the night scared us as we thought it might be a heart attack. Fortunately it was not.
Last year had me step down from Head of Department work and after having completed my six years of Open University, I had more time to exercise and read for pleasure and self development.
I was persuaded to continue working and put retirement on hold. However, a church friend's timely reminder to honour my promise to serve the Lord and Hubby's freak and near death accident convinced me that 2007 should be my last year working for the secular world. It is time to begin a new chapter when I can serve the Lord and others full time.
My very first entry was new year day and the last entry was 10th May four years on, which happened to be Vesak Day.
I recorded the wonderful time that I had with my friends, the ups and downs, the happy and the sad.
I was then twenty years of age, third year into my teaching career. The diary recorded my relationships with my friends and colleagues. Awakened was my longing for romance and love.
My twenty-first birthday was celebrated at a government bungalow in Labrador off Pasir Panjang, surrounded by my family, good friends and colleagues.I realised that I was deeply and hopelessly in love after all the infatuations. However, it was doomed from the start as the object of my affection had promised to marry somebody else.
The following year was a year of tremendous heartaches but I promised myself to be emotionally strong and let time help me to recover from that doomed relationship.
Three years on, my present husband who was also my colleague dated me to a show, Tora, Tora, Tora, a Japanese war film.What a romantic fellow!
My second diary began on 13th May and covered the next seven and a half years.
I was engaged at a party again at the same bungalow at Labrador Park. That eventful day saw my father storming out of my engagement, thinking that my fiance was just not good enough for me, his beloved daughter.
My best friend Susan gave birth to a pair of twin girls the year after and gradually all my good friends settled down to begin another phase of their lives.
I too settled down and it was a year of adjustment to a new phase of married life, mundane and uneventful for most of the time.
Restless me joined Friends of the Library, a group of people who love to read and exchange ideas.
Two years later, we moved from a cosy two-room flat to a spacious four-room one.
My ectopic pregnancy almost ended my life but I guess God has other plans for me. I have not learnt enough yet. The near death experience taught me to appreciate the simple things in life and the sight of sunrise at Mount Faber was indeed exhilarating that year.Christmas Eve had me baptised at Faith Methodist Church.
The next diary covered one year of my life and the book was coming apart as the pages were not well-bound.It was a year of calmness as I dedicated myself to be obedient to the Lord.
For forty days, I was sponsored by the Girl Guides Association to go to Japan on a Youth Fellowship programme. That was a recognition trip for the work that I had done to promote youth activities as a Brownie guider as well as the Chairman of Friends of the Library.I had not expected any rewards for the enjoyable and meaningful work that I did but God always has His ways.
The next diary covered the next six years of my life.
Finally,Doctor Tsakok confirmed that I was pregnant! Lynn was born in January, bringing so much joy to the family after the long wait.It was on the second December that Lynn was badly scalded before she even turned two. Hubby was indeed stricken by regrets and guilt over the accident.
Two years later and we found ourselves in Western Europe, enjoying Rome, Florence, Venice, Vienna, Innsbruck, Selzburg, Copenhagen, Cologne, Odense, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Kinderdyke, Paris, Versailles, England and Scotland.It sparked my interest in the Greek mythology and Roman history. I went on some English Proficiency courses and did both O and A levels English, scoring distinctions, B for Literature and A for GP.
Over one year of part time and six months of full time , I completed the course for the Diploma in English Studies.I enjoyed the Literature course and scored second upper in the examinations. That is also the year when I was transferred to serve in a prestigious school.
The next diary began in September in which I called out for the Lord to take away that despair that I felt.
My Dad's death was most painful.Entry for that year end was filled with bleakness and pain. However, confirmation of my second pregnancy with Sarah at the end of that year brought once again hope to me.
Sarah was the child born in April and she was that gift from God and my beloved Dad sent to give me hope once again.
Sister Soo who left for US returned to get married.
Our trip up to Cameron Highlands began a long friendship among the members of four families that last till today.
Sister came home to visit us with her new born child Jasmine just as Mum became senile and her condition worsened over the next three years till her demise. We took a trip to the States to visit Sister and her family as well as a good friend in Canada.
The last entry on 23 September reflected my realisation that I had turned forty eight and I gave thanks to the Lord for His goodness to me.
The next diary began on 20 November and ended 28 October ten years on.
Ms L, my principal passed away on 22nd December and as I attended the wake and the funeral,I found the colleagues who used to fawn on her and later left her nowhere in sight.
I assumed the Head of Department post, working under Ms K and the following year Mr L.
Four months of full- time leadership course inspired me to take up Open University to pursue my love for learning. I soon returned to church. A good friend who went up to Cameron Highlands with us passed away suddenly, while news of the demise of my good friend in Canada followed by my sister-in-law's saddened me.
I began to have strong feelings to retire.
2003 brought the SARS and 2004 Tsunami when so many innocent people died so suddenly. A bubbly colleague's succumb to liver cancer made me question what life is all about. Life is indeed fragile and unpredictable.
My hundred year old grandma too passed on, fortunately after she was reunited with the Lord. Hubby's sudden chest pain in the night scared us as we thought it might be a heart attack. Fortunately it was not.
Last year had me step down from Head of Department work and after having completed my six years of Open University, I had more time to exercise and read for pleasure and self development.
I was persuaded to continue working and put retirement on hold. However, a church friend's timely reminder to honour my promise to serve the Lord and Hubby's freak and near death accident convinced me that 2007 should be my last year working for the secular world. It is time to begin a new chapter when I can serve the Lord and others full time.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Serving with love
My church friend, Audrey has invited me to join her to take up this meaningful task of visitations.
We visited a church friend Sylvia who lived quite a distance from where we live. Silvia lives with her mum and her teenaged daughter.On the day of the visit,Silvia was on leave from her hotel job. She was happy to see us and shared with us her challenge as a mother to a teenager.It strikes a similar chord in us as we too have the same bewildering feeling of having our children who go through similar difficult time. Her own mother is already in her eighties and has been been most helpful to Sylvia who has been a widow since her daughter was eighteen months of age.
It must have been hard on both women to fend for themselves all these years.
The beginning of this meaningful endeavour was accompanied by heavy downpours, to make it most memorable for me.
Audrey and myself spent some time interacting with each other later that afternoon.
Today, I joined another group to visit some other members of the church.We started our visit to an old lady who is almost ninety years of age. She still looks hearty and healthy in spite of her age. Then we visited another member who lives with her two sons and a maid as her husband had passed away some years ago. She herself had gone through some difficult time after an operation.
After lunch, we visited an ex-pastor's mum in a hospital.The thin but sprightly old lady of ninety odd years old was happy to see us. I felt good feeding her a soft pear and giving her a light massage.
May the Lord continue to lead and guide me to be His worthy servant.
We visited a church friend Sylvia who lived quite a distance from where we live. Silvia lives with her mum and her teenaged daughter.On the day of the visit,Silvia was on leave from her hotel job. She was happy to see us and shared with us her challenge as a mother to a teenager.It strikes a similar chord in us as we too have the same bewildering feeling of having our children who go through similar difficult time. Her own mother is already in her eighties and has been been most helpful to Sylvia who has been a widow since her daughter was eighteen months of age.
It must have been hard on both women to fend for themselves all these years.
The beginning of this meaningful endeavour was accompanied by heavy downpours, to make it most memorable for me.
Audrey and myself spent some time interacting with each other later that afternoon.
Today, I joined another group to visit some other members of the church.We started our visit to an old lady who is almost ninety years of age. She still looks hearty and healthy in spite of her age. Then we visited another member who lives with her two sons and a maid as her husband had passed away some years ago. She herself had gone through some difficult time after an operation.
After lunch, we visited an ex-pastor's mum in a hospital.The thin but sprightly old lady of ninety odd years old was happy to see us. I felt good feeding her a soft pear and giving her a light massage.
May the Lord continue to lead and guide me to be His worthy servant.
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